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Just look how they buy cheap short lived holo emitters for insane prices. To be honest, I don't think they are the brightest folks, these starship captains. Anyways, we let captains spend heard earned Zen, yet another material that can't be replicated, very much like Latinum, so they can open these boxes and collect those shiny loby crystals we own the exclusive mining rights to, which they then can trade for some technology or ships we retrofitted to their needs. Our security system is strong enough to be too arcane for iconians to open these boxes, by the way. We are simply doing profitable business by creating lockboxes, which we fill with worthless lobi for captains all around the galaxy to buy. My dear friend, let me explain, from ferengi to ferengi. How is it possible that someone screwed this up so badly? Various modifications and upgrades for your ship. And experimental weapons that can't be obtained anywhere else.

And what can you buy in Star Trek with these worthless fake gemstones? Oh, nothing much, just some of the best starships in the galaxy. Memory Alpha describes them as "a semiprecious stone used in the production of inexpensive jewelry and ornaments." They're rhinestones, but for Star Trek. (Two, if you count an alternate-timeline version of the same event.) Quark tries to con Harry Kim into buying some Lobi crystals (for which he would pay five bars of gold-pressed latinum!) before Tom Paris explains that they're virtually worthless and can be found on any planet in the system. Meanwhile, to my knowledge there is only one mention of Lobi crystals in the entire Star Trek franchise. Oh, and don't let me forget, you can buy sunglasses! You can buy worthless trophies to put on your make-believe wall. And what can you buy with it in Star Trek Online? Well, you can buy holo-emitters that make you look different for 60 minutes. Even Picard refers to the lives of the Ba'ku as "more valuable than gold-pressed latinum" in Insurrection. Every meaningful transaction on Deep Space Nine is conducted with gold-pressed latinum as the currency. Quark and the other Ferengi, avatars of grotesque, unmitigated capitalism, live their lives to acquire it. When the phrase "gold-pressed latinum" is uttered in any Star Trek episode, it is synonymous with great value. And the thing I can't get out of my head is how ass-backwards this game's understanding of value in Star Trek is. So I've been doing a rewatch of DS9 and Voyager of late, and it's coincided with my first month of playing Star Trek Online.
